I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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