He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They took my balls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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