Where did you get a picture of my penis
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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