yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
