you win again, gameday.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
