It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
