He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize