The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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