Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
