O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
