I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize