Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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