you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
