I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize