I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
