guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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