That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
