Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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