nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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