thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
