every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
