i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
