how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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