So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
