My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
