Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize