Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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