Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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