My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
