I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
