He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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