You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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