so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
