you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
