elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
