just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
false alarm. still invincible.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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