pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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