i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
