I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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