I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hippo gnu deer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
