I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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