apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
