Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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