people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
