tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
