well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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