Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
