The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
