I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
