I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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