IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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