Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
