so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
