WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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