Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
