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About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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