You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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