Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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