You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
