do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
