R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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