it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
