he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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