Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
