So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
