imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
3pm strippers are depressing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
