Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
