I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
