I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
