All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
