the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
