This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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