he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
