Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
