maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
