TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
