Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just tell him i said nine months
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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