You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
