remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
