If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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