If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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