when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize