i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
