dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
