According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
FUCK WHALES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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