literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
