One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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