How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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