I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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