oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
