LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
