trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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