I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
