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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well you can't waste a boner
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
