I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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