while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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