I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
