She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
