Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
