so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I smell stomach acid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
