never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize